She sat timidly in a corner, a desolate, broody girl, whose existence was significant to no one but her own self. One look at her messy hair, her shabby clothes and her unkempt appearance, and you could judge how chaotic her life was. It was as if you can SEE her world crumbling around her; bit by bit, smile by smile, tear by tear.
She hadn't always been this way. As far as her feeble human memory allowed her to dwell, she remembered herself to be a normal girl ; pretty, not beautiful, but happy in every sense of the word. She won't say she embraced life for all it was. She just lived it with a purpose, a sense of fulfillment. She had friends; not too many of them, but a healthy number. She fell in love and out of it, and learned from every challenge life threw her way. Learned, and emerged triumphant.
But this challenge was something she lost to. Life changed, even before she was given a chance to answer the inevitable hows and whens that led to the events that unfolded before her eyes.
IT all started a year ago. She was happy going through her monotonous yet satisfying life, with her support systems never failing her. But something changed. She didn't sense it immediately. No. Maybe she was in denial of it, maybe she willed herself NOT to believe it. But it eventually crawled into her, and gnawed into her happiness. She was deserted; first by acquaintances, then her friends, followed by her best friends and finally, her family. Every time they looked at her, there was a mixed emotion of fear and contempt in her eyes. Why, she could never quite understand. But it made her life a painful ordeal.
They came up to her one day. To confront her, to let her know what brought about such hurtful changes.
"You.......get violent.", they said. " Yes. You get angry and you...you lose control over yourself.", said another. but the most chilling, most horrific of them all came from her ten years old brother. A timid, quiet child, who refused to come anywhere near her simply because she was a "bad" person.
He pierced her very soul with his words...
"YOU KILLED MOMMY ! You stabbed her with a knife over and over again, until she stopped moving. you're a bad person ! YOU KILLED MY MOMMY ! "
And post saying this, he broke into loud, choking sobs.
She kept racking her brains for the slightest of recollection of any of it happening, but in vain. Try as she might, she just couldn't remember any of it ever happening. Why would she kill her own MOTHER ?! She loved her more than her own self, God damn it ! Her warm embrace, her kind smile, her comforting words... she cried herself to sleep every night, pining for it all to come back.
They said she stabbed her mother over and over again in a mad frenzy till nothing was left of her. No screaming, no tears, no struggling; just a motionless body lying in a pool of blood. They said that after it was all over, she simply walked out of the house, only to return an hour later. They said she fell over her mother's body and cried her eyes out, as if she didn't know about the heinous incident that she generated her own self. As if seeing her mother lying there in a coffin hit her hard, hit her unexpectedly.
The truth of the matter was, she did NOT know anything about it ! She didn't remember how her mother was killed, or why her dog was found in the pool with its leash fastened around his neck, or why were her wrists covered in gashes and why was her whole fragile body inflicted with bluish marks. She didn't know what brought about any of these things, and it scared her. All of what she heard, what she saw what the people were saying, just couldn't be true ! She didn't remember any of it. And yet, as they say, it was as true as the existence of this world; prominent and inevitable.
So she sat in the corner ,and cried. Cried for her dead mother, her tortured dog, her damaged body, herself, her existence. Cried till her eyes were painfully sore, till the tears refused to come. And then she just lay there, motionless, her existence significant to no one but her own self.......