You. I. 26/11

I'm not doing this because it is being done everywhere. On FB, twitter and every possible social platform.
I'm not doing this because I want people to know how profoundly it hurt me, how much it shook me up.
I'm doing this simply because I want to. Because it is like a boiling lava inside of me, and its time for it to come out.

26/11. I saw it. You saw it. The whole world saw it.
Saw, and sympathised. Saw, and got worked up. Saw, and demanded for something to be done.

But for me, it was different. I can't explain it. and I'm not saying that you are all cold souls for not feeling it as much as I did. No. It was just...different.

The first time I saw the news flash across the TV screen, I froze. VERY unlike me, for I generally have storng reactions towards anything and everything. I just sat there, unblinking.
I don't have any loved ones in Mumbai. Ones who I'd be scared for, ones whose loss would shatter me.
but it still happened. The hurt. It was almost like a PHYSICAL ailment.
I sat there for a long time, a hollow expression on my face, not wanting to look, but not wanting to look away either.
And then....I broke down. Where it came from, I have NO clue. But I did. Cried like someone close had died.

But someone/something HAD, right ?
Humanity.
Compassion.
Brotherhood.
Peace.
Harmony.
Freedom.
All of this, and more. Blown up to shreds.

IT all happened in a jiffy !
Mothers wailing, children crying and blood everywhere. Agonising, unbelievable pain.
For me. For all of those who were unlucky enough to be in the wrong place in a horridly wrong time.
For thousands of you out there. It gave us goosebumps. Threatened us out of our reverie.

Today. Such an ominous day. A sad, SAD day.

I'm overwhelmed. This post might not be making sense to you. It isn't making any sense to me either.

It is just a venting out exercise.

I pray for all those who were scarred by this incident in one way or the other.

But then, who am I to pray ? Pray to a God I don't believe in ?
Such a hypocrite.